What is it about witnessing my grief that draws you in?
Do you even know?
Or is it a visceral and emotional response that you can't quite put into words?
I share what I am going through because by sharing it publicly I make more of an effort for my words to be coherent. Whereas sometimes when I just write my words in my journal they are a jumbled mess and difficult to follow when I read them later. The times I share with you I am brought through a process of healing. These times help me anchor a deeper understanding.
When I share what I am feeling in a moment of grief, you respond.
You show up.
You send love.
And I feel your support.
I know in many cases you offer your words for my benefit but I also know that your responses are often just as much for you.
You are moved.
Something in you softens.
Something in you wakes up.
Even in witnessing the pain, something about the way you feel connected to me through my grief feels good to you. Or more accurately, it feels honest and real.
And that is okay.
I don't mind that my words and my pain evoke feelings inside of you that you appreciate.
I don't mind that while I share with you my sadness you kinda enjoy it.
I know it's not that you wish me to be sad. It's something else...
I am okay with our relationship as writer and reader, widow and witness.
But what I ask you now is,
do you know why?
Why are you drawn in?
I just gave my perspective. But I want to hear from you.
Or more importantly I want you to consider your why. You don't have to share.
I just want you to think about this question for yourself.
Why does my story pull you in? *
What do you get out of it?
I'm grateful for your love and support. I know you read my words and speak from your heart as an offering to me. But I also know that it's not just for me. You read my words for you. You say your words for you. And like I said that is okay. In fact, it is more than okay.
But do you know why?
What draws you in?
*"Why does my story pull you in?"
Not just my story, but any story of grief and loss.