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This is the first time I have ever shared what I am about to say publicly. As open as I have been over these last few months with things I am going through, THIS is the subject that leaves me feeling the most vulnerable. This is an area in my life that has needed some healing for years....

No question about it, in my adult life the subject of money has been the longest ongoing challenge I face. (I know I am probably not alone on this.) While I feel like in other areas of my life I have learned and evolved and grown more confident, when it comes to money I do not feel any more competent than I did 7 years ago. Even with the challenge of losing my husband I feel myself learn and grow and evolve. But when it comes to money I feel stuck. When Jhonny and I got together my money worries slowly lightened up as I learned to really trust that we would be able to figure it out. I began to trust in the coming and going and cycle of the money flow. Now that he is gone and I am beginning to really face the fact that I am again alone, I had a haunting realization: it wasn’t “us” that I trusted to be capable, it was him who I trusted. I realized that I have never trusted myself to be capable of really earning my own living, at least a living that I feel comfortable with.

Then just a few days ago the Money Love Challenge popped onto my newsfeed. I have a few mutual friends with Kate Northrup, author of Money: A Love Story, and have heard amazing things. It definitely felt like this challenge was worth a shot plus it’s FREE. It’s only 21 days, but I am hoping that it will give me some clarity on where my beliefs stem from and maybe some tools to help me improve my relationship with money. Money is energy, and as an energy worker I whole-heartedly believe that some of my money wounds can be healed with proper awareness, honesty, and attention. It’s only Day 4 and I have already had some major “A-ha” moments.

Again, this is very personal and leaves me feeling very vulnerable. I am sharing this publicly now for 3 main reasons:

  1. So I can stop metaphorically hiding from my fears surrounding money and my ability to take care of myself.
  2. To discuss another layer of my healing process after losing Jhonny. A life shattering event such as losing a spouse forces many issues to the surface that beg to be tended to even amidst the grief. For me this is one of those issues. Of course I could try to ignore it, but ultimately it’ll come back.
  3. To invite anyone else who feels called to improve their relationship with money to join me. Your money challenges could be very different from mine. Visit moneylovechallenge.com to see what it’s all about. You can do this privately or join the online group. You can start anytime between now and Feb 3rd.

To me this is not about figuring out how to “get rich” but about how to increase the love in my life. Like it or not, we are all in a relationship with money, and I want mine to be a loving one full of trust. If getting rich is a byproduct then of course that is a bonus. But ultimately, this is an act of love towards myself and a part of my healing process. I am so grateful for the support and everywhere it comes from. I look forward to seeing how this goes... join me if you wish!

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