The following was inspired by conversation with a dear friend who is a widow, who knows love, loss, and the complexity of living a new way of life.
The person who ends up with a widow or a girlfriend who lost her love may be the luckiest man out there. When a woman loses the love of her life this is a woman who knows true love. She could say "fuck it, I've already had the best," and live the rest of her days remembering the best as it was in the past. But often she chooses to not let that be the end. She knows the best can show up in many faces and when it is real, love has no limit.
Love doesn't cower in the face of itself but expands to unimaginable power.
Her life experience has taught her to see truth. She knows the price of love and she is willing to pay this price. Her willingness is her vulnerability. Her vulnerability is what makes her stronger than she ever knew was possible. When she finds love again in human form what this woman needs is a partner who, while in her presence, can stand up in his own power. A partner who is emboldened, not paralyzed, by what she has to offer. It's true that she will demand a lot from a new partner. But it's not coddling or repair or saving that she demands, it is his wholeness. His courage to be himself fully, to live in integrity with his heart, and give himself with abandon while receiving her along with all that she has been through.
Just be sure when you choose to love a widow or someone who deeply knows loss to check all reservation and cowardice at the door, because if there is one thing she knows above all else it is that nobody has time for that.