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We learn early on to say “Thank You”. We are told to be grateful and believe we should be grateful. Even as a child we write thank you notes and give gifts out of gratitude. I am sure I must have felt gratitude in those early years. I was taught to be very polite and say please and thank you. And even if I wasn’t perfect at it, I knew the importance of sending a thank you note for a gift. My parents, my teachers, my older relatives and role models all did their job in teaching me how to behave thankfully. But somewhere along the way the word lost meaning. Or should I say the word lost feeling for me. I am not entirely sure if it ever had a feeling for me in the first place. 

I don’t feel ashamed of this. This was not intentional. It just was. I did not know the physical sensation of Gratitude nor did I know that there was one. But somewhere in my early 20s, as I began one of the most transformative times in my life, this lack of feeling gratitude became evident to me. At that time I was seeking. I was seeking truth on a Soul level. I had grown weary, I felt discontent, and was tired of heartbreak. While at the time I don’t think I would have been able to pinpoint my feelings I now can see how much fear I lived with. I was afraid I would never find true love. I was afraid I would not be successful in a career and financially capable of taking care of myself. I was afraid because while I had amazing people in my life I never felt like I truly fit in. I was afraid I was going to miss out on something.

A collection of self-help books, an astrologer, a psychic, an intuitive energy healer/spiritual counselor/paradigm shifter helped me to look at the world and my life through a different lens than I had been looking through. Gradually my view of myself shifted. I felt clearer. I felt validated. I began to love myself more deeply. My fear lessened and my trust increased. I had come a long way in my sense of Self and my sense of purpose when I was given the message that what I really needed most to further evolve was to start being "SO DEEPLY GRATEFUL!" Start?? It was at this point that I realized I did not know what gratitude felt like. I could think it. I could say it. But I did not necessarily feel it. This realization brought me much grief. I was incredibly humbled. By this time in my seeking I intellectually knew how important gratitude was. In my mind I knew how interconnected I was with my surroundings. I knew how valuable the people such as my parents and friends and colleagues were to me. But the feeling had eluded me. 

It felt like a dark heavy veil has been lifted. At the time there was embarrassment, shame, guilt, humility. I was mortified. How bratty of me to not feel grateful! It was hard to do, but I shared this realization with a friend who agreed that this was pretty heavy. 

Thankfully the lifting of this veil made feeling gratitude possible. I began to experience the physical sensation of gratitude and it felt AMAZING! I had never felt so present, so alive, so powerful, and connected to my divinity. Gratitude truly is the thing that makes me feel the best. To this day it is easy to fall into just thinking and saying gratitude. But I continue to learn the importance of feeling it. More and more I notice gratitude at the forefront of my consciousness. And more and more my life gives me even more to be grateful for. 

You cannot exercise much power without gratitude because it is gratitude that keeps you connected with power. - Wallace D. Wattles

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